Rebelling Against Low Expectations

Having just finished the book Crazy Love and being knee deep in my Esther study, I am both challenged and enthrawled by the Lord and His Word. Just as I sit here attempting to type about it, I feel at an utter loss for words to describe the yearning of my heart to consumed by Him. When Scripture talks about the Holy Spirit, when words fail us, making groans to God on our behalf, I complete understand the feeling of this. Day after day, reading of God's goodness I feel the urge to drop to my face in worship. I get so frustrated because of all that I want to do. All that I want to retain. All that I want to put into action RIGHT NOW.
My mind has been swirling. Challenged to throw off my old self and let go of the world, my priorities are shifting. I tell my husband, "Let's live at the U.S. median income and give the rest away!" Gone are my fantasies of gadgets and gizmos galore and uppity neighborhoods and a walk-in closet full of high end denim. Gone are the excuses, "If I only had....then I could feel free to give God...." Ridiculous! And as soon as my husband makes the call, we are nixing the internet for our phone service (no more facebooking in traffic). Here's one: Gone are my desires for my girls to experience the excessive american lifestyle- trendy clothes, expensive sports camps, lavish vacations. I just shut off my satelite service today: days before school vacation begins (gasp!). I am bursting at the seams for my three little darlings to have this same passion for their Saviour! I dread the idea that any sort of worldliness would keep them from True fulfillment!!
The sad truth of the matter is that their desire for the Lord has been there for a long time, its their mamas own inconsistancy that has shortchanged them. My oldest has such a heart for missions thanks in large part to some very close friends of ours. She longs to go to the corners of the earth to reach out to those in need. She was nearly outraged when she learned her uncle was spending the summer in a closed country in Africa on the missions field and she wasn't gonna get to go. My youngest takes great comfort in our daily Bible reading. I can't imagine, outside of divine providence, that she understands much of it, but it gives her peace and many days she holds me accountable to reading to them. My middle one, heaven bless her, isn't so obvious all the time, but she surprises me by what she does retain, when i'm convinced she's not listening!
I'm overcome with gratefulness for a Father who faithfully receives a wayward child, forgives her endless list of sins, and not just that, but showers her with His perfect love! If I am the prodigal, then this is the feast! I feel embraced by my Lord, adorned in His graced, celebrated, and cherished! He fans the flame of my heart!