Esther- on being crowned queen.

This was a journaling exercise from Beth Moore's study on Esther that I am currently doing. I tried to have a little fun with it. It takes place a week after Esther is crowned queen, after a seven day party thrown in her honour. She's lying in bed, desperately in need of rest, but unable to sleep...

“Queen of Persia! QUEEN OF PERSIA!!!”

“I can hardly wrap my head around all that has happened these last days!
That the King would choose me!- It makes no sense at all! Yet, here I am!

"And would you look at this place?! Why my entire village could sleep on this bed and not be cramped for room! I’ve seen more riches this past week than I ever knew existed- and I thought the harem was brimming with them!

"Oh, the harem- I am so grateful to be out of that place. I did my best to get along with everyone, but some of those women made it so difficult! The cattiness and the gossip! Such hurting souls so hungry for affirmation, not realizing that their being displayed would afford them just that, but how empty it would feel! And, then, to be…… to……. (shudder runs down her back, tears suddenly pour from her eyes) disgraced, robbed of their innocence and destined to live out her days as a concubine!

“What am I doing here?!?!"

"What would mom and dad think? Oh, what must be going through Mordecai’s head right now! That poor man has been pacing himself silly for a year now! How worried he must be! I wish I could know if he is at least remembering to eat! Perhaps now that I am taken care of that man might notice widow Yovela- she’s been sweet on him for as long as I can remember. Ah, Mordecai, how I wish I were home with you now, tucked in my old bed listening to you recite your evening prayers. I always figured when I married, it would be to someone in the village, so that I can see my dear cousin every day.

“I guess it just wasn’t to be. Now I’m quite sure I will not even see my own husband every day! My husband! I don’t even know the man! All I know of him is what I have overheard in the harem, and I can’t say it casts a favorable light his direction. What if he exiles me like he did his first wife? What if I upset him? I have heard of his temper and of his indulgences. The girls called it the four W’s “Women, wine, war, and wealth.” Sounds like a sad life to me. They told me of the King’s drunken demand that she flaunt herself in front of all his noble buddies and the way she openly refused. Rumor has it, the King’s anger and humiliation burned so fiercely he couldn’t see straight for months. Why, they say Vashti was the whole reason he lost the war!

“Hanessah!!!! Get a hold of yourself! You know better than to pay any attention to here say! Mordecai would be mortified- he would have your backside for sure!

"No, I must not make assumptions, and rely on what I know. Well, I know that the first thing I noticed when I was brought to the king that fateful day was that he seemed a lot older than I had expected. There was a sadness around his eyes that seemed to convey a weariness over the past and resignation over the future. Yes, they were sad eyes indeed.

"I could tell immediately that Hagai had been right about going with the red rubies and simple white gown. “Esther,” he had said, “Your inner beauty will radiate like the desert sun, anything more than this will only take from all that you have to offer the king.” (chuckles) Sounds like something my dear cousin would say.

“One thing for certain, the kindness and gentleness in the king’s voice was completely unexpected. I felt as though I was doing everything wrong, but when he smiled I nearly came undone! And when he asked my thoughts on the new marriage laws I thought I was really in for it! Immediately I realized I was being tested- would I dare disagree with the king’s edict and risk the same fate as Vashti? Or would I stand firm with God’s law and tell the truth? With a giant knot in my throat and a quick prayer toward heaven, I tried to be as respectful as I knew how in my response. At first he said nothing, I braced for the worst, his eyes were fixed on mine and his jaw was set, then slowly he relaxed and sighed, and in a small voice that only I could hear he leaned in and said, “I can’t say I completely disagree. That was not my proudest moment.”

“Was that really an entire week ago?! It seems like only seconds have passed since the King placed that crown upon my head and declared me Queen of all Persia! Its been non-stop ever since. The party, in my favor- I am certain was another test! And all the people and customs and rules and decisions! I think this is the first night I’ve had a chance to really reflect on everything that has transpired.

“I still can’t seem to get over it! I don’t know whether I am coming or going!! I can’t even imagine what will happen tomorrow, let alone years from now. Never in all my wildest dreams as little girl running around the marketplace in Susa could I have imagined that God had THIS in mind for me now. I don’t even know where to begin to take it all in!

"Oh wait, yes I do!”

Esther slips from her covers and to the ground, folds her legs beneath her body and presses her hands and forehead to the cold marble floor, “El Shaddai, I am yours, guide your servant, and let your will be accomplished! Praise you, Mighty King of Kings…” And that is where her maidservants found the new Queen of Persia asleep the next morn.